Cancer Schmancer Movement

Every once in awhile while flipping through television channels, I come across something of substance. 

I didn't know this, but Fran Drescher (tv show "The Nanny") is a uterine cancer survivor.  She has a very informative website called "Cancer Schmancer Movement".

                   http://www.cancerschmancer.org

(from website)......... she has launched the Cancer Schmancer Movement, a non-profit organization dedicated to ensuring that all women's cancers be diagnosed while in STAGE 1, when it's most curable. Fran's vision is to galvanize women into one collective voice to alert our elected officials that our vote means more than that of the most powerful corporate lobbyist.

She includes a "Cheat Sheet for Women's Cancer", info on "Johanna's Law",  early warning signs, frequently asked questions, different screening tests, her own blog, etc.

I'm not done reading everything yet, but I thought it was important enough to pass along.

              

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9 Words Women Use

To all men to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.  To all the women to give them a good laugh, cause they know it's true.

                           9 WORDS WOMEN USE

1. Fine:  This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes:  If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing:  This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4. Go Ahead:  This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5. Loud Sigh:  This is actually a word, but is a nonverbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you  statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6. That's Okay:  This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks:  A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome.

8 . Whatever:  Is a women's way of saying F%@# YOU!

9. Don't worry about it, I got it:  Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.

Sparkling Clean Bathroom

Toilet Cleaning Instructions :

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet; the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power-wash and rinse'.

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can and quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

 

Sincerely,
The Dog 

 

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A Cop's Worst Nightmare!

     A COP'S WORST NIGHTMARE

 Anyone who has ever been in law enforcement prays that they will never get a call like this on their watch. 

   WARNING ---- The photo is very graphic. 


NOT FOR THE WEAK OF HEART.................
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Happy Valentine's Day

 

             

 

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Chalk one up for the guys!

This was written by a guy ... it's pretty damn smart. Girls -- Please have a sense of humor! 

  I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. 

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.  Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with m y emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.' 

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. 

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.' 

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. 

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?' 

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD thisstuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?' 

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that b*#@ knows I'm smarter than her! 

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Help!

 

 

    

To all my friends who sent me best wishes in 2007 and promises of good luck if I forwarded something: IT DID NOT WORK!

For 2008, could you please just sent either money, chocolate or gasoline vouchers?

Thank you and God Bless!

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Reflections of my mood

Reflecting on my mood this week..........

Towards the end of his life someone asked Robert Frost,
"Do you have hope for the future?"
"Yes," he replied, "and even for the past, that it will turn out to have been all right for what it was, something we can accept, mistakes made by the selves we had to be, not able to be, perhaps, what we wished, or what looking back half the time it seems we could so easily have been, or ought. ... The future, yes, and even for the past, that it will become something we can bear."


Guardian: Cemeteries and their Sentinels ~ http://www.duirwaighgallery.com/movie.htm

A Knock At The Door ~ http://duirwaighgallery.com/inspiration_aknock.htm

Message to All Cats & Dogs!

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.  Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough! 
              

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
 
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fas hions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10 Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college.

And finally,
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

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