Friday, August 24, 2007

A True Friend

If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never say it's not quite as good as his mothers ...
 
 ...then buy a dog.

 
 
If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour,
for as long and wherever you want ...
  
...then buy a dog.

 
 
If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care
about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies.
 
 ...then buy a dog.

 
 
If you want someone who is content to get on your bed just to
warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores ...
 
...then buy a dog !

 
If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care
if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves you unconditionally, perpetually ...
 
  
...then buy a dog.

 
 
 
BUT, on the other hand, if you want someone who will never come
when you call, ignores you totally when you come home, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night and only
comes home to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness

.

.

.

.

.

          

                 Then buy a cat!

 

Now be honest, you thought I was gonna say... marry a man, didn't you?!

Funny

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their
family member lay gravely ill.


Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.


"I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces.


"The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant.
It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope.


Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves.."


The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"


The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain."


The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked.


A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask,


"Why is the male brain so much more?"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used."







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Saturday, August 18, 2007

Relieving Stress

I love this site! Great place to relieve my stress ~ especially in manic mode!

 

http://uk.download.yahoo.com/ne/fu/attachments/bubblewrap.swf

Good Advise

     Read books that you enjoy... 
      

         Play with simple things...

Do whatever you want when you want... 

Look for affection when you need it...

          

    Get serious once in a while...

        

            Forget about diets...

     

         Show some affection...

     

       Get angry once in a while...

    

            Change your look...

         

Be happy, above all, regardless what your challenges may be.

        

                 

                   Live simply.
               Love generously.
                  Care deeply.
                  Speak kindly.

"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle."

 

Funny

 
    
 
 
A Couple lived near the ocean & used to walk the beach a lot.  One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach almost every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around furtively, then speak to them.

 
Generally, the people would respond negatively & she would wander off, but occasionally someone would nod & there would be a quick exchange of money & something she carried in her bag.

The couple assumed that she was selling drugs & debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure, they just continued to watch her.

After a couple of weeks the wife said, "Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes & other electronic devices?"

He hadn't -- and said so.

Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel & our big radio & go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing."

Well, the plan went off without a hitch & the wife was almost hopping up & down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband & then leave.

The man then walked up the beach & met his wife at the road.
"Well, Is she selling drugs?" she asked excitedly.

"No, she's not," he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.
 
"Well, what is it then? What does she do?" his wife fairly shrieked.

The man grinned & said, "She's a battery salesperson."
 
"Batteries?" cried the wife.
 
"Yes."  he replied -
 
 
 
SCROLL DOWN
 
 
 
 
 
 
OOOOH - You're gonna dislike me for this - but it will make your day!!!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
"........ She sells C cells down by the seashore."

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Snagged the "Yaya Sisters" from

http://loveconquersall.typepad.com/my_weblog/

Couldn't resist! Probably because they are so true!!!

 

                   

  

              


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Saturday, August 11, 2007

 
                            After the Honeymoon

        
 
Please excuse the rough language in the following story...
 
I would have deleted them, but the story wouldn't be the same.
(Keep reading - you'll laugh)
 
A young couple got married & went on their honeymoon.  When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.
 
"Well", said her mother, "so how was the honeymoon?"
 
"Oh mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic.... Suddenly she burst out crying.  "But mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language -- things I'd never heard before!  I mean, all these awful 4-letter words!  You've got to take me home! PLEASE MAMA!
 
"Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down!  You need to stay with your husband & work this out.  Now tell me, what could be so awful? WHAT 4-letter words?"
 
"Please don't make me tell you, mam," wept the daughter.  "I'm so embarrassed, they're just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE!!"
 
"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset.  Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!
 
Sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, mama..., he used words like: dust, wash, iron & cook..."
 
"I'll pick you up in 20 minutes" said the mother.

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