Tell Me This Won't Happen to Us!

An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake." 

 

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing  it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red 
again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next 
intersection, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we  just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us 
both!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, shoot, am I driving?"