Things you wish you could say out loud at work

1. I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of sh*t 2. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet its hard to pronounce 3. How about never? Is never good for you? 4. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public 5. I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn 6. I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter 7. I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message 8. I don’t work here. I’m a consultant 9. It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying 10. Ahhh…I see the ****-up fairy has visited us again 11. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid 12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers 13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don’t give a damn 14. I’m already visualising the duct tape over your mouth 15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you 16. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view 17. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist 18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental 19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks? 20. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant. 21. It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of karma to burn off 22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial 23. And your cry-baby whiny-assed opinion would be..? 24. Do I look like a people person? 25. This isn’t an office. Its hell with fluorescent lighting 26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left 27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer 28. If I throw a stick, will you leave? 29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed 30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed 31. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality 32. A cubical is just a padded cell without a door 33. Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #1? 34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses 35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it? 36. Chaos, panic and disorder – my work here is done 37. How do I set a laser printer to stun? 38. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay.