Funnies

When I was married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said,”honey, 25 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white tv, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old blond.”Now we have a $500,000 home, a $45,000 car, nice big bed and plasma screen tv, but i’m sleeping with a 50-year-old woman. It seems to me thatyou are not holding up your side of things.”

 

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out & find a hot 25-year-old blonde, and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white tv.
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One night, after the couple had retired for the night, the woman became aware that her husband was touching her in a most unusual manner.

 

He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back. He ran his hand over her breasts, touching them very lightly. Then, he proceeded to run his hand gently down her side, sliding his hand over her stomach, and then down the other side to a point below her waist.

 

He continued on, gently feeling her hips, first one side and the other. His hand ran further down the outside of her thighs. His gentle probing then started up the inside of her left thigh, stopped and the returned to do the same to her right thigh.

 

By this time the woman was becoming aroused and she squirmed a little to better position herself.

 

The man stopped abruptly and rolled over to his side of the bed.

“Why are you stopping darling?” she whispered.

 

He whispered back, ” I found the remote!”

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Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying. Max replies, “Why don’t you ask the Priest?”

So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, “Priest,may I smoke while I pray?”

But the Priest says, “No, my son, you may not. That’s utter disrespect to our religion.”

Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him.

Max says, “I’m not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try.”

And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks,
“Priest, may I pray while I smoke?”

To which the Priest eagerly replies, “By all means, my son. By all means.”

 

Moral : The reply you get depends on the question you ask.