Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

As you know, many of my friends lost their children this year...babies, toddlers, teens & adults. I have all I need...my children, family, friends, a place to live, clothes to wear and food to eat.

My list this year is for my friends, the parents & families of those children who died. Actually, it is more of a wish. I know there isn't anything that will make their pain go away... except for bringing their children back. I think we all would have done anything to make that happen. I also know that no amount of words, comfort, caring, understanding or love can make it better. Even if just love worked, then a very special someone in my life wouldn't be feeling so lost & broken.

So Santa, my one wish this year is to bring a sense of peace to my friends, for them to know that there are many prayers being said for them and their children & a lot of love surrounding them.

Love Karen

p.s. - I know you can perform Christmas miracles....you brought one to me and I am forever grateful.

Johnny Keeps Thinking!

Little Johnny's at it again..... A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, 'Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!' After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, 'Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?' 'No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!'

* * * * * * * * * * *

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. 'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny. 'Giving up?'

* * * * * * * * * * *

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, 'Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?' Little Johnny quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'

* * * * * * * * * * *

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. 'Yes,' said the policeman. 'The detectives want very badly to capture him.'Little Johnny asked, 'Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture ?'

* * * * * * * * * * *

Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, 'Dad, why are you doing that?' His father replied, 'Because when I'm buying horses,I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, 'Dad, I think the UPS guy wants to buy Mom .'

Happy Thanksgiving!

Wishing everyone a wonderful Thanksgiving!

I am truly thankful for my children who make me laugh (most of the time!), my family, friends who helped me through many rough times, a couple of Angels who have given me guidance when I was at a loss of what to do and to a very special person who I am very, very lucky to have in my life!

Job Applicant

Below is an actual job application that this 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in California. They hired him because they thought he was funny......

Name: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Old Bastard)

Sex: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate).

Desired Position: Company President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

Desired Salaray: $185,000 a year plus stock options & a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer & we can haggle.

Education: Yes

Last Position Held: Target for middle management hositility.

Previous Salary: A lot less than I'm worth.

Most Notable Achievement: My incredible collection of stolen pens & post-it notes.

Reason For Leaving: It sucked.

Hours Available To Work: Any.

Preferred Hours: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday & Thursday.

Do You Have Any Special Skills?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

May We Contact Your Current Employer?: If I had one, would I be here?

Do You Have Any Physical Conditions That Would Prohibit You From Listing Up to 50 lbs.?: Of what?

Do You Have a Car?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

Have You Received Any Special Awards Or Recognition?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.

Do You Smoke?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!

What Would You Like To Be Doing In Five Years?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

Nearest Relative: 7 miles.

Do You Certify That The Above Is True & Complete To The Best Of Your Knowledge?: Oh yes, absolutely.

Don't Judge Too Quickly........

Maybe my sense of humor has become warped, but I thought it was hysterical!


YouTube - Don't judge too quickly - Ameriquest (romantic dinner)

Dancing with God

Dancing With God

When I meditated on the word Guidance, I kept seeing 'dance' at the end of the word. I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like dancing. When two people try to lead, nothing feels right. The movement doesn't flow with the music, And everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky. When one person realizes that, and lets the other lead, Both bodies begin to flow with the music.

One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back Or by pressing Lightly in one direction or another. It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully. The dance takes surrender, willingness, And attentiveness from one person And gentle guidance and skill from the other.

My eyes drew back to the word Guidance. When I saw 'G': I thought of God, followed by 'u' and 'I. 'God, 'u' and 'I dance.' God, you, and I dance.

As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust That I would get guidance about my life. Once again, I became willing to let God lead. My prayer for you today is that God's blessings And mercies are upon you on this day and everyday.

May you abide in God, as God abides in you. Dance together with God, trusting God to lead And to guide you through each season of your life.

"For J.....we always seem to "collide" on the outside, but I know in my heart... when all is quiet...when we shut the world out, we melt together. Miss you."

Kids Are Quick

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'

GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'

TEACHER: No, that's wrong

GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

DONALD: H I J K L M N O.

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.

WINNIE: Me!

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'

MILLIE: I is..

TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'

MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?

CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

HAROLD: A teacher

Too Much To Believe

Two touching videos:

http://www.jumpcut.com/view/?id=0DA33AA631BE11DCB635000423CF037A

YouTube - Nick Vujicic-Hong Kong Tour - an incredible story

Have you ever wondered...............

Have you ever wondered what "pissed off" really looks like?

A Cup of Tea

Only a Mom would know

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge of me. I was maybe 2 1/2 years old and had just recovered from an accident. Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a get-well gift and it was one of my favorite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home..

My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!'

My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up.

Then she says, (as only a mother would know...)

'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water is the toilet?

More LOL Cats

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

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Our Vacation Plans This Summer

 

           

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Escape

               

 

*image by Jonathan Evans, Getty Images

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What Your Co-Workers Are Up To While You're On Vacation!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Reminds Me of My Kids!

 

       

 

      

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Happy Father's Day!

 

                  

Will You Give This To My Daddy?

"Will you give this to my Daddy?"

This touching and patriotic story has been circulating on the internet.  It's message is powerful so I thought I would include it in this blog.  The author is unknown. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Last week I was in Atlanta , Georgia attending a conference. While I was in the airport, returning home, I heard several people behind me beginning to clap and cheer. I immediately turned around and witnessed one of the greatest acts of patriotism I have ever seen.

Moving thru the terminal was a group of soldiers in their camos. As they began heading to their gate, everyone (well almost everyone) was abruptly
to their feet with their hands waving and cheering.

When I saw the soldiers, probably 30-40 of them, being applauded and cheered for, it hit me.  I'm not alone.  I'm no t the only red-blooded American who still loves this country and supports our troops and their families.

Of course I immediately stopped and began clapping for these young unsung heroes who are putting their lives on the line everyday for us so we can go to school, work and home without fear or reprisal.

Just when I thought I could not be more proud of my country or of our service men and women, a young girl, not more than 6 or 7 years old ran up to one of the male soldiers. He kneeled down and said 'hi.'

The little girl then asked him if he would give something to her daddy for her.

The young soldier, who didn't look any older than maybe 22 himself, said he would try and what did she want to give to her daddy. Then suddenly the little girl grabbed the neck of this soldier, gave him the biggest hug she could muster and then kissed him on the cheek.

The mother of the little girl, who said her daughter's name was Courtney, told the young soldier that her husband was a Marine and had been in Iraq for 11 months now. As the mom was explaining how much her daughter Courtney missed her father, the young soldier began to tear up.

When this temporarily single mom was done explaining her situation, all of the soldiers huddled together for a brief second. Then one of the other service men pulled out a military-looking walkie-talkie. They started playing with the device and talking back and forth on it.

After about 10-15 seconds of this, the young soldier walked back over to Courtney, bent down and said this to her, 'I spoke to your daddy and he told me to give this to you.' He then hugged this little girl that he had just met and gave her a kiss on t he cheek. He finished by saying 'your daddy told me to tell you that he loves you more than anything and he is coming home very soon.'

The mom at this point was crying almost uncontrollably and as the young
soldier stood to his feet, he saluted Courtney and her mom. I was standing no more than 6 feet away from this entire event.

As the soldiers began to leave, heading towards their gate, people resumed their applause. As I stood there applauding and looked around, there were very few dry eyes, including my own. That young soldier in one last act of selflessness, turned around and blew a kiss to Courtney with a tear rolling down his cheek.

We need to remember everyday all of our soldiers and their families and thank God for them and their sacrifices. At the end of the day, it's good to be an American.

**While searching for a photo to add to this entry, I came across this websites:

http://soldiersangels.org 

http://www.lovinghugs.org

Both my children have done projects in school whether it was sending cards or care packages to soldiers deployed in Iraq.  These sites have many wonderful ways adults can help too. 

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Happy Mother's Day (early)

                 

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Life

            

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If you have a cat, you will understand...

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0ffwDYo00Q

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4rb8aOzy9t4

 

 

I see the world in color

 

                   

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Blonde Joke

A very attractive blonde woman from South Carolina arrived at Vegas.. and bet twenty-thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice.

She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I play topless.' With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice; and yelled, 'Come on, baby.....Southern Girl needs new clothes!'

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down...and squealed...'YES! YES! I WON! I WON!' She hugged each of the dealers...and then picked up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?' The other answered, 'I don't know... I thought you were watching.'

Moral?
Not all Southerners are stupid.
Not all blondes are dumb.
But all men......are men.

          

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My Life

        

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Maxine

          

I can't help it...this cracks me up everytime!!! 

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Reminder #15

                   

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Reminder #14

          

 

 

  Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, 'Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman.' 

'Oh yeah?' said Charlie, 'And how did this one end?'

'When it was over,' Mike replied, 'She came to me on her hands and knees.

'Really,' said Charles, 'Now that's a switch!   What did she say?' 

She said, 'Come out from under the bed, you little chicken.

                       * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy.  He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mary.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step.  As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around & he landed heavily on his rump.  A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke & made the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants, & looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut & bleeding.  He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids & began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box & shuffled & stumbled his way to bed.

In the morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both his head & butt & Mary staring at him from across the room.

She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you?"

Flynn said, "Why you say such a mean thing?"

Well, Mary said, it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly...it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />

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Cute kids

Little Johnny asked his Grandma how old she was.

Grandma answered, "39 and holding."

Johnny thought for a moment, and then said, "And how old would you be if you let go?"

A little boy was in a relative's wedding. As he was going down the aisle, he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd. While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar.

So it went, step ROAR step, ROAR, step, ROAR, all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit.

When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, "I was being the Ring Bear."

A little boy was overheard praying: "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it.  I'm having a real good time like I am."

Six-year old Angie, and her four-year old brother, Joel, were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud.

Finally, his big sister had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."

"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.

Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers."

Guts & Balls - The Medical Distinction

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know
the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the
definition for each is listed below:

GUTS -
Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your
wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask:  "'Are you still cleaning,
or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS -
Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume
and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and
having the balls to say: "You're next."

Medically speaking, there is no difference. Both result in death.

Women will understand this! Men should memorize it!

The Hormone Guide

Women will understand this! Men should memorize it!
Every woman knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, co-worker or significant other!

DANGEROUS:	SAFER:	SAFEST:	ULTRA SAFE:
What's for dinner?	Can I help you with dinner?	Where would you like to go for dinner?	Here, have some wine.
Are you wearing that?	Wow, you sure look good in brown!	WOW! Look at you!	Here, have some wine
What are you so worked up about?	Could we be overreacting?	Here's my paycheck.	Here, have some wine.
Should you be eating that?	You know, there are a lot of apples left.	Can I get you a piece of chocolate with that?	Here, have some wine.
What did you DO all day?	I hope you didn't over-do it today.	I've always loved you in that robe!	Here, have some wine!

13 Things PMS Stands For:
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweat pants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
and my favorite one.
13. Potential Murder Suspect

So True!

     

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Snoopy quiz

The Ones who care

The following is the philosophy of Charles Schulz, the creator of the "Peanuts" comic strip. You don't have to actually answer the questions. Just read it straight through, and you'll get the point.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.

2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.

3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America contest.

4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.

5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor and actress.

 

6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

How did you do? The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.

2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.

3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.

4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.

5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.

6. Name half a dozen heroes whose stories have inspired you.

Now THAT was a little Easier?  

The lesson:

The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones who care.

Charles Schulz             

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Slow Dance

SLOW DANCE



Have you ever watched kids

On a merry-go-round?
.
.
.
.
Or listened to the rain

Slapping on the ground?
.
.
.
.
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?

Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
.
.
.
.
You better slow down.

Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won't last.
.
.
.
.
Do you run through each day

On the fly?
.
.
.
.
When you ask How are you?

Do you hear the reply?
.
.
.
.
When the day is done

Do you lie in your bed
.
.
.
.
With the next hundred chores

Running through your head?
.
.
.
.
You'd better slow down

Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won't last.
.
.
.
.
Ever told your child,

We'll do it tomorrow?
.
.
.
.
And in your haste,

Not see his sorrow?
.
.
.
.
Ever lost touch,

Let a good friendship die
.
.
.
.
Cause you never had time

To call and say,'Hi'
.
.
.
.
You'd better slow down.

Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won't last.
.
.
.
.
When you run so fast to get somewhere

You miss half the fun of getting there.
.
.
.
.
When you worry and hurry through your day,

It is like an unopened gift..

Thrown away.
.
.
.
.
Life is not a race.

Do take it slower
.
.
.
.
Hear the music

Before the song is over.

Great quote

"Stupidity is an elemental force for which no earthquake is a match."
                       -Karl Kraus

Little Funnies

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings.  Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.

 

Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, "Johnny, what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife."

            

 

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?""

The mother replied, "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."

The child thought about this for a moment then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"

 

 

A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class.  As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!"

While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. she got up, brushed herself off, and started running again!  As she ran she once again began to pray,

"Dear Lord, please don't let me be late ... But please don't shove me either!"

   

 

A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?"

 

He answered, "Call for backup.

 

 

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.  After explaining the commandment to "Honor thy father and thy mother," she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, "Thou shall not  kill."

 

 

Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil.  One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?"

 

The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your Dad."

Cancer Schmancer Movement

Every once in awhile while flipping through television channels, I come across something of substance. 

I didn't know this, but Fran Drescher (tv show "The Nanny") is a uterine cancer survivor.  She has a very informative website called "Cancer Schmancer Movement".

                   http://www.cancerschmancer.org

(from website)......... she has launched the Cancer Schmancer Movement, a non-profit organization dedicated to ensuring that all women's cancers be diagnosed while in STAGE 1, when it's most curable. Fran's vision is to galvanize women into one collective voice to alert our elected officials that our vote means more than that of the most powerful corporate lobbyist.

She includes a "Cheat Sheet for Women's Cancer", info on "Johanna's Law",  early warning signs, frequently asked questions, different screening tests, her own blog, etc.

I'm not done reading everything yet, but I thought it was important enough to pass along.

              

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9 Words Women Use

To all men to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.  To all the women to give them a good laugh, cause they know it's true.

                           9 WORDS WOMEN USE

1. Fine:  This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes:  If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing:  This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4. Go Ahead:  This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5. Loud Sigh:  This is actually a word, but is a nonverbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you  statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6. That's Okay:  This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks:  A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome.

8 . Whatever:  Is a women's way of saying F%@# YOU!

9. Don't worry about it, I got it:  Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.

Sparkling Clean Bathroom

Toilet Cleaning Instructions :

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet; the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power-wash and rinse'.

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can and quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

 

Sincerely,
The Dog 

 

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A Cop's Worst Nightmare!

     A COP'S WORST NIGHTMARE

 Anyone who has ever been in law enforcement prays that they will never get a call like this on their watch. 

   WARNING ---- The photo is very graphic. 


NOT FOR THE WEAK OF HEART.................
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Happy Valentine's Day

 

             

 

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Chalk one up for the guys!

This was written by a guy ... it's pretty damn smart. Girls -- Please have a sense of humor! 

  I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. 

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.  Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

'You're just not in touch with m y emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.' 

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. 

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.' 

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. 

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.'

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?' 

I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD thisstuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?' 

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that b*#@ knows I'm smarter than her! 

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Help!

 

 

    

To all my friends who sent me best wishes in 2007 and promises of good luck if I forwarded something: IT DID NOT WORK!

For 2008, could you please just sent either money, chocolate or gasoline vouchers?

Thank you and God Bless!

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Reflections of my mood

Reflecting on my mood this week..........

Towards the end of his life someone asked Robert Frost,
"Do you have hope for the future?"
"Yes," he replied, "and even for the past, that it will turn out to have been all right for what it was, something we can accept, mistakes made by the selves we had to be, not able to be, perhaps, what we wished, or what looking back half the time it seems we could so easily have been, or ought. ... The future, yes, and even for the past, that it will become something we can bear."


Guardian: Cemeteries and their Sentinels ~ http://www.duirwaighgallery.com/movie.htm

A Knock At The Door ~ http://duirwaighgallery.com/inspiration_aknock.htm

Message to All Cats & Dogs!

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.  Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough! 
              

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
 
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fas hions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10 Don't need a "gazillion" dollars for college.

And finally,
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

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Chocolate!

                      

  

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so that's what really goes on....

       

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