Insight into me & missing

FINDING ME

I was drowning. Sunk so low that any hope of happiness
seemed as far out of reach as the Northern Star.

I was lost. Had wandered to a place where I couldn't find myself
and had settled instead, on the path of least resistance.

I found myself in love.
Finding joy in the smallest of things…
In the sound of a bird singing,
In the gentle falling rain…
And as the wind whispered "happiness",
I found myself living
for the first time in years.

Just as I'd begun to think this dream could be reality...

I found myself alone. Abandoned so sweetly,
yet I still feel the bitter sting of tears.
I look at my reflection and see a defeated woman,
all used up and abused and so very stupid
that I just want to die.

I found myself giving up when something within me
said, "No". One, single spark of defiance
was bigger than the ocean that sought to drown me.

Love may have quickened me, but loss has made me strong.
The only power he has over me is that, that I choose to give him.
He may have swept me off my feet but I have made both the choice
and the effort to stand tall.

I will love again because I choose to "live" whatever the cost.
For to give up on love would be more destructive
than anything I've been through so far.

So here I go again...reaching for a star.

I'm not sure who wrote this, but it is exactly how I feel.